Hi, thanks for all your forwards, sure they all are lovely, meaningful or funny. I have trouble keeping up with my e-mail, not because of my millions of fans, but because I don't have a concept for "routine," and therefore fail to check my e-mail daily, thus procrastinating with a growing sense of dread until I have at least 300 messages waiting for me, lurking, hoping to delay me for hours. Because of procrastination, lack of routine and said millions of fans, my mailbox fills up and I have to frantically unsubscribe, move things to folders and delete, delete, delete.
That all said, I think routine means facing up to my mailbox daily, maybe in the morning, rather than let procrastination and time set up my mailbox as a dreaded booby-trap of a flood of stuff I can't deal with.
I cleaned my mailbox ruthlessly a day or two ago. I checked it first thing this morning. I even opened your latest FW. I have to admit that I have a folder with 131 of your FW's in it, waiting for me to open when I can enjoy them. I love your sense of humor and I put up with your political views. When I think of you, I get a mental image of you, much younger, in a good mood and laughing at one of your own jokes, a thing you do, and you are really laughing hard, with the heels of your hands kind of hitching up your pants or maybe just on your hips, and you are leaning backwards. I used to hate it when you did this, but that was when I was also sure that the entire world was staring at me if I had a run in my stockings. I think of it now fondly as just one of your little quirks that helps make you who you are, an individual, and the thought occurs to me that it's nice to remember you this way because I like to think of you being happy. I like to think of you being syrupy with Melodi, and seeing the smile on your face because you are so happy to be with her; you finally found a NICE lady who helps make you happy. I hope your lifestyle also helps keep your personal demons away. We all have them, some more than others.
Thinking about one's personal demons, I've pondered the difference between the brutal kind of honesty I was initially raised with, under you and Brenda, and the fake cheerfulness I perceive in strangers who also have good social skills and a little more success in life than some of us. I used to think it was repulsive, but then I was too often miserable and sometimes forgot was cheerfulness was, and I was pierced through and through with malice and envy of people who were born with better lots than me. Thing was, I wasn't aware of my underlying negative feelings for people luckier and better socialized, nor did I really try to wrap my head around the artificial cheer. Why be a fake? Is a social lie acceptable when the alternative is to bash someone's feelings through and through? What if the person never needed to know something that they only thought they needed to know? I pretty well settled the social lie issue as being somewhere between Brenda's complete lack of social skills and Kathy's saccharine CRAP. (She was such a liar).
One day I began to really wrap my head around the social role of the false cheer. I came up with some surprising answers. I can explain another time, but I summed it up thus, "Sometimes 'Hello' is a good deed." I'd rather avoid spreading sorrow with a small forced smile, a nod, and a, "I'm fine, and you?" than launch into something unpleasant or sad or fail to answer much at all. I try to keep my personal sorrows reserved to myself, quarantined except for certain times and with certain people. Mood is contagious. No one is exempt from pain. Suffering is a part of the human condition. We function best when content, when happy. I like to think that learning to pretend cheer with strangers and associates is justified by the good it can do. I think it's a learned skill, and difficult. I think it can help one with the more fleeting kinds of unhappiness.
You have my essay of the day, dear Father. I never mean to, but I go off on tangents.
I meant to respond to your Forward RE: 2nd Amendment. I may otherwise be a flaming liberal, but I'm VERY certain that we all should have guns. We should all learn a healthy respect for the "unloaded" gun, to avoid killing our fool selves, or worse. You taught me that. We should all learn how to store, use and maintain our weapons. This is best passed down through generations. Guns have a place in a civilized society, and if we all were required to carry small-caliber damage-inflicting arms at our hips and allowed duels and self-defense, perhaps our cops would have easier jobs. There are places where inflicting death on one's violent attacker is treated as murder. This, of course, is LUDICROUS, and works to stymie victims, imprison innocent people and clog our justice system. If an attacker has a potentially lethal weapon or is bigger, stronger or attacks suddenly by surprise, wouldn't it be nice to be able to shoot his ass? Dead violent criminal. Live citizen. The suppression of our right to bear arms has seriously impinged on our ability to do so safely and responsibly. We act like fools with our guns, when society is reduced to the lowest common denominator, and it would be dangerous to suddenly promote gun ownership and rights, because the owners would be fools who shot themselves, left their guns to be reached and played with by children, and who believed in the existence of the legendary "unloaded gun." We need gun ownership classes and a plastic license/picture ID, minimum age 25 (after passing the use and ownership class) that permits one to carry a gun. Part of the class would need one to do target practice. (I'd worry about teens and youngest adults, 18 - 24, either shooting each other or getting shot).
This couldn't happen all at once, of course, but perhaps over a period not to exceed twenty years, handled not by Fed or State but by county level, nice and straightforward, cut some red tape. The Cheif of Police could coordinate, assisted by Sheriffs and Deputies. At first we would need a lot of extra detectives. I've done a customer service job, customer service WAS my job in the restaurants for years, especially at McDonald's. I've seen how idiotic people are en masse. That's one of my main concerns about arming individuals and the public. People would start shooting each other like idiots and criminals. Crime would surge, then steadily decline. Innocent lives would be lost, as in war. Overall, when we recovered, I think we'd be a safer, more civilized place. It might eventually be a Federal campaign to promote gun ownership and do public education, as an armed society is impossible to invade. Responsible gun ownership should be started in high school classes across the country. A required course. (Along with a bunch of other civic and personal health classes and life skills classes...in a highscool that skips Trigonometry and Calculus and goes to grade 14). I won't even begin my rant on public education! Another time.
Well, in my own complicated way, I'm saying that I couldn't agree more. We were to be an armed, alert, responsible, civic-minded society who would not be caught off guard, whether by our own government or somebody else's, taking our lessons from the Revolutionary War, King George III and our dads.
I'm embarrassed to admit that I cannot disassemble, clean and assemble a firearm. I can load a clip, and load a 9mm, and I'm a damned good shot, though I need more practice. I shot the guts out of a paper target at 25 yards once while at a shooting range with Monty. I think I'd get better if I could practice. I don't own a gun right now as I recognize that with my Bipolar Disorder and tendency towards depression and suicidality I might do something stupid. I might not. Perhaps I'll start with a Taser. Those probably aren't legal, either.
Maybe we are, as a society, over-legislated. I don't know. We once behaved responsibly, before the Industrial Revolution and rampant capitalism set in. Why can't adults act like adults anymore? There is missing a love for one's brother and a certain, solemn wisdom about life. We can't seem to handle ourselves anymore. A woman can't even slap a man's face for insulting her honor. A couple can't get in a scuffle once in a while, if it isn't repetitive abuse. Men can't just fight each other and then shake hands. We need more freedom so that we can learn to honor and handle that freedom. We can't shoot a thief with salt-pellets. We can't even swear on TV or radio, even if that swear word is a vital ingredient in a song. It offends some "sensitive viewers?" Sometimes "Fuck" is free speech or a work of art. You may disagree here, but I think that burning the Flag is NOT grounds for a Constitutional Amendment! At least we'd know who are enemies are! I'm not proud of our country every single day. Some days, maybe a lot of days, but not EACH day. We daily do awful things. Like suppressing 2nd Amendment Rights. Wow, I may just join the NRA. Don't tell anybody! (joking).
Well, this has been your once a year entirely too long letter from your only daughter. My little gal is doing well. We communicate online though she has to hide. She's 17. She's 5"9' like I am. She's a very beautiful girl, and she has a good head. We have similar views, though she has yet to mature fully. Don't get me wrong, she's mature for her age, but she's awfully young. She's a fantastic artist, better than I am, and she's beautiful, too, worth saying again! I'm hoping she'll come to visit during a summer break or after she finishes college. I hope we get along as well in person as we do online. I might try to get you a link to something of her online. I have to make sure she's ok with that. She doesn't remember you from the last time you met! lol.
Well Dad, I have 131 FW's from you in a folder. I think I'd better get busy.
Love ya, Sheila
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